How's Your Love Life?

How’s Your Love Life?

The first thing that comes to mind with a question like the one I started this blog with could be; ‘How’s your sex life’? or ‘Are you in the relationship that is right for you’?  or ‘Are you in love with somebody that is good for you’?   It comes down to ‘Are you happy because of the relationship you are in?’  That’s not what I have in mind with the question.  What I’m really thinking about is ‘In what state of mind do you spend most of your time’?  Believe it or not, these things are related, that is, your relationships and your state of mind.  

Effects From Our State of Mind

Our state of mind has a powerful impact on our lives.  Daily merges into weekly, then monthly, yearly and on and on, until our whole lives are produced by those states of mind.  Which poses the question to ask ourselves, is my state of mind beneficial or harmful?  We are not talking about medical conditions, aside from those, I believe we are responsible for our own state of mind.  Not responsibility in a condemning way but as an encouragement that we have the power to adjust our mindsets to a wavelength that is happy and productive.  If I'm in a bad mood, I'm miserable and I’ll see to it that everyone within reach is miserable, too.  If my mood is even more than positive, if it’s an addictive, enchanting mood it will seduce those around me into the same.  Such moods seem to be more evasive than the sour ones, so it requires some energy on our part to achieve the latter.  We may not be able to sustain those addictive good moods continuously but they can be our habitual way of life.    


Your brainwaves and your state of mind are intricately connected.  There are 5 frequencies of brainwaves studied today which are; delta (0-4 Hz), theta (4-8Hz), alpha (8-13 Hz), beta (13-30 Hz), gamma (>30 Hz).  These brainwaves all coexist in our brains at once and are measured by location in the brain and the level of intensity for any single one of them during a certain state of mind.  Let’s think of some states of mind to connect with our brainwaves.  Take the different states of sleep; the slowest brainwaves, delta and theta, are most predominant during sleep, with the delta dominating deep sleep and the theta and even some alpha, more active in the dream states.  Alpha is widely recognized as the wave of relaxation and is associated with creativity and gratitude.  Beta is a wave of alertness, problem-solving, and productivity, but, if it dominates over alpha when achievement isn’t the occupation, it is also an anxiety wave.  Gamma, on the other hand, is considered by some as the wave of enlightenment and spirituality, various forms of meditation increase gamma.  The overall aim with our brainwaves is to achieve balance every day and be able to be in the right state of mind for the occasion of the moment. [1:2:3]

Internal Dialogue

Our internal dialogue has a huge influence on how we behave and interact with others.  It also affects our brainwaves in a big way. How intricate we are: our brainwaves have an influence on how our internal dialogue goes and vice versa!  A huge part of our interactions, for most of us, are automatic - the autopilot.  They originate from the subconscious part of our brains and turn into thoughts and actions that are seen and heard and then this cycle is repeated again and again. Everyone has reactive patterns and we always notice them in others - ‘he always flies off the handle’ or ‘she cries anytime I...’, or maybe ’he zones out during important conversations’ and ‘she falls asleep when I try to talk over a problem’.  Others notice them in us as well.  We all have triggers, or buttons that get pushed and then...we all react.  We operate as creatures of habit and often don't have to think everything through before we just do it.  While all this is going on we have a running dialogue in our heads.  The things in our subconscious have been put there over a process of time by these dialogues.  They are the culmination of our experiences and include previous dialogues that have accompanied those experiences during that process of time.  The old adage goes, practice makes perfect, but, another version of it, perhaps more astute, goes, practice makes permanent.  Internal dialogue can become one powerful tool to alter our patterns of behavior to become the best for the moment.

 So...How is your love life?

We live in realms, realms of social and occupational engagement, and spiritual life. In our social realms, we go from the most intimate to the most casual.  On every level, we each play a part.  We are all part of a story that in the future will be called history.  As far as our individual influence’s reach, we share not only in the writing of our own story, but also in the story of everyone we touch.  Whether we write a major part or ever so slight of one, we are all writing a bigger story together.  Our most intimate relationships are the most sensitive and critical parts of the story we are writing.  If we can write an enchanting story on the intimate level we will write well on every other level.  We have no choice but to write these stories so the state of our love life is of the greatest value.  From there we derive our beliefs which serve as the light that guides us on the rocky road of life. 


The belief of this writer is that each one of us can write a wonderful love story because we all believe in love.  If you don’t believe in love I want to tell you a story about a teacher who spent 20 years offering students a choice.  They could choose for the greater good or to get the advantage only for themselves.  Only 10% chose a totally selfish route.  We have a choice and the power to write our story well.  At a time when, for so many, the world is turned upside down, let’s write together something to cheer each other up.


Look for future development on this subject in a series of upcoming blogs so stay tuned!

Disclaimer: I am a student of aromatherapy and hold no licenses as a healthcare practitioner.  The material in this blog is not for the diagnosis or treatment of any disease, it is for educational purposes only.  






    1. Kim S., Sowndhararajan K., (2016) Influence of Fragrances on Human Psychophysiological Activity: With Special Reference to Human Electroencephalographic Response. Sci Pharm 84(4): 724-752. doi: 10.3390/scipharm84040724


  1. Braboszcz C., Cahn B.R., Levy J., Fernandez M., Delorme A. (2017) Increased Gamma Brainwave Amplitude Compared to Control in Three Different Meditation Traditions. PLoS One. 12(1): e0170647. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0170647

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