Dear Winter Babes,
This is your friendly neighborhood B.O. just here to drop a little surprise on your holiday doorstep. As you may or may not remember, I also came to see you last winter and BOY did I have a fun stay. You thought you had gotten rid of me, but all those chemicals that you pushed into your pretty armpits very quickly backfired when it was time for to get your party on. Let’s revisit some of our fondest memories together, shall we?
When you had your office NYE party and you were running a little late. You thought you could get away with no shower and extra deodorant but girllllll let me TELL you how stoked I was to burst that bubble. Your boss came to congratulate you on your success of the year and it was pretty embarrassing when she leaned in to shake your hand and got a whiff of, you guessed it, ME!
Oh! Or when that really really hot guy that you met in the Organic Produce section invited you to his roommates house for a low key pre-party. Ugh I know how excited you were, and I do hate to be a spoil sport (not really, insert very mean emoji here) but the Uber driver had the heat up to like 3,000 degrees on the way and when you showed up you smelled like a sack of rotten potatoes. So awful for you. Although to be honest, that guy probably was just in the organic section to pick up chicks.
Okay, okay there was also that night out with your girlfriends, and you invited Gwen from the downstairs apartment who always acts like she’s better than you and wears those crazy high heels, even when it’s freezing out. Yeah, you all go out dancing, everyone is looking hella fly (I’m Body Odor, I say what I want), but you see that guy checking you out and you get nervous and sweaty. Oh girl you KNOW I was so ready to make you retreat home in shame.
And then there was my personal favorite. It was NYE, baby. You had that slinky black dress all from the dry cleaners but then you applied your antiperpirant thinking it would protect you, but it managed to mark its territory with those white lines . Oh you should have seen yourself, checking your arms every second. Hey girl guess what’s NOT sexy? Seeing someone across the room but you can’t catch their eye because their eyes are glued on their pits the whole night. Guess who you rang the New Year in with? Uh ya rang it in with me.
I’m writing this to ask you from the bottom of my stinky heart, please don’t ever stop using commercial deodorant. Not only is it filling your body with toxins and artificial ingredients and fragrances. But it also is masking all those bad smells, until the inopportune moment – when I get to come calling. Buying Lone deodorant would not only eliminate me all the way, but it would also be a pretty health-conscious resolution to check off… and I really hate when pretty gals meet their goals.
A Note From Lone:
We know that this is a crazy time of year, and we also know how hard you’ve been working to end the year right. We think you deserve a natural, aluminum free deo that works as hard as you do. I don’t know, you might say. I’ve tried natural deodorant and have been burned before. It made me so stinky and using drugstore deodorant is easier. Well we are here to tell you to toss out that old because with the New Year comes a new Deo that will treat your pits right. Get into the NYE spirit and start your resolutions off with a stick of something that not only will leave you smelling fresh all day (and all night) long, but will also treat your body like the gift that it is. Cheers to ringing in the New Year right!